There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
