Can Purell be used as lube?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
