We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
