oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're like the curious george of whores
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
