I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize