I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
