heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
