his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
