I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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