my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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