I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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