My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
