I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The power of my boobs compel you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
