My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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