That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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