I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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