Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
