Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
