or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
