I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
