I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
