Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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