my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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