I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
