Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
