dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
