My underwear smells like fireworks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
