I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
