we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
