I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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