dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
