The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
