when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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