So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
