some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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