i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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