I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
