I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
