I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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