She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
