His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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