If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
