his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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