dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
