I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
