Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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