I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
