I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
