I want to walk on stilts...naked
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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