I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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