It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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