They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
