haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
North Korea, Best Korea!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
