What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
