She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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