thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
