Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
