lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
