hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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