she woke up with a sticky ear
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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