fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
