You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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