I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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