we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
