he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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