look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
