What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
