The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
