theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
